B0T STOVE – Season 16 already?

13 05 2010

We’re 40 games into the season already? I forgot to do my blog settings. Whoops.

The stove has been preheated for a while now, so let’s get cooking:

Miguel Matos got a bulging disc in his back. Translation? Bug-eyed third base coach Alfredo Wainhouse accidentally got his frisbee lodged too far up Matos’ rectum. Ultimate anal frisbee is dangerous.

– rlahann doesn’t have a single Aryan looking dude on his ML roster. That’s racist or something. Nobody has blonde hair or looks like they’d be playing frisbee. No sideburns, either. They’re all generic looking assholes in San Antonio.

– moy is financing a movie to celebrate the life of Hootie Stewart. Casting has been difficult because the gay black guy from Revenge of the Nerds isn’t acting anymore. And Burton Guster from Psych refuses to play homosexual. LOGO viewers will be disappointed.

– Sioux Falls has the best record in the AL. How? Indian Magic. I don’t know. Some bullshit reason. It shouldn’t last.

– The New York Flight of the Conchords Pizza Hodgepodge is the worst team in the league. The new sim is rigid in its programming, that an owner must be able to say “Seventh Inning Strettch” without sounding like a cartoon duck in order to be successful. . Should Kerry Pride have to change his name after he had an OPS lower than a handful of teams’ batting averages and getting demoted to AAA?

– babypop is going to be hyping Pat Watson all season. Prepare to be sick of his name. Not to Hootie-extent, but probably a little bit more than vagiphobe Daneker. But luckily you won’t have to worry about him being mentioned again once the first round of the playoffs is over.

Glen Judd promised his Kansas City teammates a private tour of Dollywood by Dolly Parton herself when the team played Memphis this season, apparently unaware that it’s a home game. Being related to country music royalty doesn’t mean you know how to read a calendar. Craig  Blair, a noted fan of big fake boobs and botoxed to Hell faces, is reportedly furious.

Gus Davenport needs to get himself onto a socially relevant franchise. He’s about to throw himself into a wood-chipper.

Kelly Payne, the HBD version of David Arquette’s character in Never Been Kissed, is still performing admirably despite probably being 45 years old now and the subject of numerous trade rumors.

– Amateur draft prospects are on team’s radars. Based on a cursory review, Wesley Blair should be getting his passport ready. Dude’s almost guaranteed to be playing in Canada.

– az4lifenotr barely checks his team, and he still has a better record than way too many of you. You should be ashamed of yourselves. He’s even half-retarded.




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: