b0t Stove – Extra Meaty

24 02 2010

It’s been a while since our last installment, so I’m going to make this B0t Stove extra meaty. Let’s get to it.

  • Things are getting spicy in Salt Lake City. Famous mongoloid pitcher, Corky Downs, was walking around the clubhouse early one morning and overheard fellow pitcher Weldon Dorsey shouting. Downs pressed his ear to the door, and eventually realized Dorsey must be looking for the team’s All-Star second baseman because he kept shouting “Adcock!” Downs eventually found Adcock in the showers and told him Dorsey was looking for him. Adcock said it couldn’t be possible, because he already went and Dorsey could only be about halfway through the bukkake line.
  • Boise is shopping Kelly Payne. But buyer beware, the guy looked late thirties when he was entering the draft as aSenior in High School. He’s been getting AARP pamphlets in the mail, if that’s indicative of his true age.
  • Tyler Ramsey just looks ridiculous in those glasses. He’d be a Cy Young contender this season if he didn’t look so damn goofy. The red sideburns don’t help.
  • No, Harry Calles is not related to the Hall of Fame announcer. Just a homonym, apparently, though he doth protest too much if you tell him that. He also doesn’t have an amazing voice. He sounds like Kathy Griffin hungover.
  • If you think Anthony McKay has a lot of plus  plays, you should see all his plus-size women’s underweear. He likes fat chicks more than David Day likes popcorn butter and boobies.
  • Detroit is considering cutting Kennie Andrews. And not in the releasing him way, but in the stabbing way. He’s just sucked so much and underperformed his contract and their expectations to the degree where animosity within the clubhouse makes it feel like a George Romero movie is about to break out.
  • As a Designated Hitter, Rico Alcantara often finds himself bored in the dugout during the half of the inning his team is not up to bat. Alcantara found something to do, however, in his home dugout. He found a loose, live wire on the far end of the bench, which must be somehow related to the call-box to the bullpen. Regardless, Alcantara has a habit of taking the copper end of this live wire and inserting it into his urethra. The extra jolt  between innings has supposedly made him feel livelier at the plate during home games, and thus responsible for his skewed home/road splits.

Once again, if you have any tips or blotter, trade chat them to me.

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