B0T STOVE – TARDS, PERIOD CHUNKS, AND AFTERBIRTH!

21 01 2010

Welcome to the next installment of the B0t Stove. These are the latest rumblings around Shtickless Hardball Dynasty.

Joe Morton recently revealed to Esquire magazine that for much of his early 30’s he had an agreement with a friend of his who worked at a hospital, where all umbilical chords and placentae were FedExed to him with dry ice like Omaha steaks or something. Morton would ingest the afterbirth for the nutricious stem cells, which allowed him to continue to improve well beyond most players plateau. As stem cells are not considered an illegal substance, it does not seem likely that Morton will see his Hall of Fame credentials tarnished.

-The Memphis Blues are looking around the league for dominant pitching, albeit from the elusive switch-hitting pitcher. patrickm looks like Eugene Mirman and is apparently retarded.

Steve Thomas wears a Tweetie Bird t-shirt underneath his jersey at all times. It appears to be the source of his retard strength.

-World Series champion owner hugenuge42 took out a full page ad in each other team’s local newspaper telling them they’re humongous faggots, can blow him, and are superjealous of his World Series trophy. Especially the “queers from the league forum.”

-World Series runners-up Los Angeles is on pace for a 69 win season. They apparently suck now. Couldn’t handle the pressure.

-Vancouver uberprospect Willie Simpson has struggled to adjust to the Major Leagues. Statistically, he’s fine. But five separate times he’s gone home with a groupie who turned out to be a transsexual. He claims within the lockerroom that it’s a series of coincidences, but his teammates are growing suspicious.

Wiki Armas has a fetish for period blood. That’s how he rolls. Sometimes he smells a used tampon like it’s the cork from a bottle of fine wine.

Stan Rhodes’ rapid decomposition is disheartening. In what could perhaps be his last season, fans in Montgomery have taken to dressing in character to commemorate the future Hall of Famer. There are Rhodes’ Toads, where people dress like frogs. There are Rhodes’ Rhoads, where people dress scholarly. There are Rhodes’ Rhodes, where people dress like former Married With Children character Steven Rhodes (women are dressed like Marcy D’arcy, formerly Marcy Rhodes). Bumps On Your Nipples fans are not entirely creative.

Once again, keep me informed of rumors and current events with trade chats.

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